Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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