These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
