his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
