Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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