Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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