guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize
