He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
