I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Oh god it's open bar.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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