I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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