one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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