im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
