Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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