And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
