she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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