p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
