I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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