you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
