my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
