Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
