Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
