Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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