I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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