Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i drank out of a bidet.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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