Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
