Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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