If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He? As in you personified your dick?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
