Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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