He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
