some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
