i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
