It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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