You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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