no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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