Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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