never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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