Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
