I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
