i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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