Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
