there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he shaved USA in his pubs
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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