i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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