Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Please don't give away my fajitas
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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