I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
