I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
