hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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