I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
