i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
