I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
