oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
where are you?
Hypothermia
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
