Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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