It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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