Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
