All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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