dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
